can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
