she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
