So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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