you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
