i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
