your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
