this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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