i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
