did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
