we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
