Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
that is very illegal...i love you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
