you win again, gameday.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
