I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
