In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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