Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
