i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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