my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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