Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
