just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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