she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
