this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
