just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
