Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
