I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
