So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
