i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
