can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
