AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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