the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
