yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
