i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize