It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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