Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
