We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
