i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
