saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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