you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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