sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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