She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it was like his penis was on wheels.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
