i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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