I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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