and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I need to align my fucking chakras
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
