i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
