So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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