I'm really into asian looking animals
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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