i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
