Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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