Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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