I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
