Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
