You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
BRING THE BAGELS
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize