Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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