Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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