Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
