it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
