Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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