the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize