So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
