theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
do herpes really smell.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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