im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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