Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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