she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
