I love black thongs
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
