I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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