I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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