I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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