My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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